In class today I posed some questions about my student who "just wanted to be a mom," and then I mentioned an experience I had with my daughter recently. I thought I would elaborate a little and see what you think.
Some of what we are willing to accept, and not accept, is definitely generational (think of the Hoover ad in the textbook). That doesn't mean that gender stereotypes were any better in our parents' and grandparents' generations, but it does mean that they were more accepted (certainly there have always been people who will not accept them, which is why we have grown in many ways).
Here's one example: my daughter loves to watch movie clips on YouTube, and one of her favorites is from Disney's The Jungle Book (as opposed to the collection of stories by Rudyard Kipling, published in 1894, which the movie is very loosely based on). At the end of the film, Mowgli returns to the man village, where he sees, for the first time in his life, a woman (she is a girl, but if you watch the clip, she is obviously old enough to be very aware of the way her sexuality can entrance and manipulate Mowgli). I showed this clip to my daughter becaue she was learning how to splash, and there is a part where Mowgli falls out of the tree and lands in the water before splashing his way back to the bank. (I hadn't remembered that the reason he falls is because the girl bats her big eyes at him and distracts him into dumb male mode). I also hadn't remembered all the lyrics to the song she sings. Whenever I watch this clip with my daughter, I cringe: "Father's hunting in the forest. Mother's cooking in the home. I must go to fetch the water until the day that I am grown." And later on: "I will have a handsome husband, and a daughter of my own. I'll send her to fetch the water. I'll be cooking in the home." I usually change the lyrics as I sing along to be "Mother's hunting in the forest, father's cooking in the home" in an attempt to reverse the stereotypes, but I've considered not letting my daughter even watch it anymore even though she loves it. So here is my question: Am I going to far? Is the movie harmless? Am I being silly for thinking maybe I shouldn't let her watch it? It's just a movie, right? Or is it? You can watch the scene here.
This got me thinking of another generational shift I've experienced in my life, also regarding gender. I remember singing a song in church when I was a boy. It was for the girls, really, but we all sang it. It was about wanting to be a mother. Here are some of the lyrics:
When I grow up, I want to be a mother,
And have a family, one little, two little, three little babies of my own.
Of all the jobs, for me I'll choose no other! I'll have a family,
Four little, five little, six little babies in my home.
We thought nothing of this at the time, singing it at the top of our lungs. (If you want to sing it at the top of your lungs, you can download it here. It's called "I Want to be a Mother.") But now that I'm older, I see a real danger in the song. Let me be clear that I am not saying that there is a danger in wanting to have children or be a mother. I think I made it clear in class that I value motherhood a great deal. But I have friends who grew up singing this song and talking about being a mommy their whole lives, only to discover that they wanted to have a career, or that they didn't want to have babies, or that they wanted to have babies but couldn't because of medical reasons, etc. They grew up singing about having six little babies and not going to work, and then they felt guilty because they wanted to work or couldn't have six babies, or because for sone other reason they were not capable of living up to what they were taught was the ideal. This, too, was a generational thing to some degree, and there have been a lot of changes since then. I know that my daughter will never have to sing this song in church, and that Disney will never put out another film with a female character singing about cooking in the home while her handsome husband is out hunting. So we have come a long way in only a few generations. But how far?
Thoughts?
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You know I've seen that movie about ten times and never really thought too much about that part. I remember very well the words and how they didn't seem to make me wonder then, but now the words to that song do kind of bug me. The stereotype of father's working and mother's cooking has always been around for people to hear and see. I'm not sure but it sounds like in the 60s maybe the government wanted families to be like that. you know. people in the government, we don't really know all they do; this could be one of them. I still love Jungle Book.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Dr. Westover in that "motherhood" is very sacred. And, in our society, mother is generally the term given to the female that birthed. It can also be used for, generally, the female that raised the child, which is very different then birthing the child. But i suggest that as we realize our culture is changing, we adopt a new paradigm.
ReplyDeleteIn a relationship, there is a "male" and a "female" role. These can be filled with a man in the "male" role and a woman in the "female" role, as is the case with most common heterosexual relationship. I also know many men that have stayed at home, doing the cooking and cleaning while the wife had the successful career. The new paradigm that I suggest is that anyone can fill the "mother" role, male or female. Mother, or "female" role, is the lover, the caregiver, the heart and compassion. They are the reason for the "male" role, or father, to exist. Father is the sword and the shield. They protect and secure safety for the family.
We live in a new age. We give the power to our generation and the generations to come. Raise your daughter to believe in the beauty of this life. If she decides that she really does just want to have kids, and can give reason and passion to the idea, then I support her completely and will defend her even if no one else will. I agree that she should get an education and have a life first, but demanding that she "not accept stereotypes" is just as bad as demanding she "accept stereotypes": it's making her decision for her.
in america especially women are now getting higher jobs and becoming more of the higher arce but before the 1920 women were just staying in the homes, cooking in the kitchen and fetching the water. during WWI and the men were gone the women had to fend for them selfs and family having to become that higher role they started to work in manufactures. I would think that after this happened women started to realize that cooking in the kitchen wasn't all that they cold or had to do. This whole occurrence made them become more independent. But I still love the jungle book!
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