In class today I posed some questions about my student who "just wanted to be a mom," and then I mentioned an experience I had with my daughter recently. I thought I would elaborate a little and see what you think.
Some of what we are willing to accept, and not accept, is definitely generational (think of the Hoover ad in the textbook). That doesn't mean that gender stereotypes were any better in our parents' and grandparents' generations, but it does mean that they were more accepted (certainly there have always been people who will not accept them, which is why we have grown in many ways).
Here's one example: my daughter loves to watch movie clips on YouTube, and one of her favorites is from Disney's The Jungle Book (as opposed to the collection of stories by Rudyard Kipling, published in 1894, which the movie is very loosely based on). At the end of the film, Mowgli returns to the man village, where he sees, for the first time in his life, a woman (she is a girl, but if you watch the clip, she is obviously old enough to be very aware of the way her sexuality can entrance and manipulate Mowgli). I showed this clip to my daughter becaue she was learning how to splash, and there is a part where Mowgli falls out of the tree and lands in the water before splashing his way back to the bank. (I hadn't remembered that the reason he falls is because the girl bats her big eyes at him and distracts him into dumb male mode). I also hadn't remembered all the lyrics to the song she sings. Whenever I watch this clip with my daughter, I cringe: "Father's hunting in the forest. Mother's cooking in the home. I must go to fetch the water until the day that I am grown." And later on: "I will have a handsome husband, and a daughter of my own. I'll send her to fetch the water. I'll be cooking in the home." I usually change the lyrics as I sing along to be "Mother's hunting in the forest, father's cooking in the home" in an attempt to reverse the stereotypes, but I've considered not letting my daughter even watch it anymore even though she loves it. So here is my question: Am I going to far? Is the movie harmless? Am I being silly for thinking maybe I shouldn't let her watch it? It's just a movie, right? Or is it? You can watch the scene
here.
This got me thinking of another generational shift I've experienced in my life, also regarding gender. I remember singing a song in church when I was a boy. It was for the girls, really, but we all sang it. It was about wanting to be a mother. Here are some of the lyrics:
When I grow up, I want to be a mother,
And have a family, one little, two little, three little babies of my own.
Of all the jobs, for me I'll choose no other! I'll have a family,
Four little, five little, six little babies in my home.
We thought nothing of this at the time, singing it at the top of our lungs. (If you want to sing it at the top of your lungs, you can download it
here. It's called "I Want to be a Mother.") But now that I'm older, I see a real danger in the song. Let me be clear that I am not saying that there is a danger in wanting to have children or be a mother. I think I made it clear in class that I value motherhood a great deal. But I have friends who grew up singing this song and talking about being a mommy their whole lives, only to discover that they wanted to have a career, or that they didn't want to have babies, or that they wanted to have babies but couldn't because of medical reasons, etc. They grew up singing about having six little babies and not going to work, and then they felt guilty because they wanted to work or couldn't have six babies, or because for sone other reason they were not capable of living up to what they were taught was the ideal. This, too, was a generational thing to some degree, and there have been a lot of changes since then. I know that my daughter will never have to sing this song in church, and that Disney will never put out another film with a female character singing about cooking in the home while her handsome husband is out hunting. So we have come a long way in only a few generations. But how far?
Thoughts?